Nice to be able to admit that I still have one or two lectures at the University that keep me thinking.
Not much life, not much joy, not much light. December. Looking at kids and through trams windows.
I keep some songs under my pillow, though. And looking forward to see the sea in two weeks. Oh.
Joy. I would teach them joy.
Also the joy of sadness.
The answer came the next day.
Long time without any list, shame on me. here we go, my beautiful criminal queers (yes, stolen from Cocorosie lyrics):
1. novembers are awful. can’t manage anything.
2. i’m almost finishing my 5 years philological studies. frustration and a feeling of a tremendous waste of time, partially at least. i read some good books, i met great people (mostly not at Uni, though) and took advantage of scholarships, yes!
3. i will never ever study literature.
4. i will never ever study anything related to any theory. (and my kids will not! ha ha!)
5. i always thought kids don’t need rules and structures. they need it. at least in the classroom. i’m learning a lot, a lot. hope they are as well. with me, I mean.
6. next step will be using, even more, my body and hands and senses.
7. modern cooking school/course?
8. teaching in a remote exotic village? teaching in a small town close to Katowice? teaching (there) what? sth useful? what is useful? we people are useful to the soil. are we? teaching to communicate? teaching to be happy? are we happy? should people be happy?
have a good saturday! i will! X
do you remember my letters from Iceland? Times of passion.
Now, I could text you. But I saw your face today in the crowded Tokyo where it’s so difficult to see a familiar face. You were biking, I was sipping some coffee and staring at you, you didn’t see me. And your face was exactly the same like my face twenty years ago when I started to feel exhausted every morning, every afternoon and etc. The kind of pains we take to ourselves. I don’t want you to take this path. Take your bike down and turn.
At home everything is perfect, I think, though, we should go and visit the old continent. I know, work. I know, fear. Our country is not our country, it’s never been so. But we’ll have some fun, I promise you.
How is to be 24 again? Tell me. “
Too much, too many. Please, everyone, let me alone.
I was on the tram and I saw a raven, in the middle of the crossroads. Devouring something with greediness. Watch out, my mind was screaming, the lights are changing, red, orange, green. Oh, so tasty, so good, lots of food, it’s been a long time I’ve eaten sth like that, the cars rushed. Too much, too many. Too good, too bad.
Due to exhaustive lifestyle of mine, I yelled at my mother on the phone. I don’t like it.
What is the most important thing to you, my dear?
Bringing a change. Education. Nevertheless, the impossibility of conducting all the projects planned makes me frustrated. Fru, fru, fru, fly frustration, fly! But wait, a big group of pretty, rich, well-nourished and lonely kids makes me confused as well. This is a weird world.
I may possibly be back to Iceland next year!
A co po studiach, proszę Pani?
Po studiach zacznę żyć. Czuję to.
Może tak a może nie.
some say they discovered it after years of long (re)search.
i simply fell.
i saw them once staring at their skin, reinventing their new them. so called transgender.
so secure, so warm, to finally know it. and reach.
they were changing, they changed. abruptly self-accepting and accepted.
i started with my face, mi cara inmovil, i took her out one rainy day and we walked.
now observing my own feelings that exist in front of me, here, in the crystal cube. i grow them in perfect, aseptic conditions.